White People Don’t Get To Respect Our Elders

~ Brandyn Gallagher

It’s a soul wound, really. We come into the world bright-eyed and trusting, believing the people who feed and shelter us will love us back. We manage to believe our parents and grandparents when they say their sacrifices and silences— even when we ask “But why, though?” and never get a clear answer— are all for our own good.

Someday, they say, we’ll be old enough to understand.

I want to respect my elders. I really do. I know how much I don’t know, and I wish to learn from them. But when they align with White supremacist ideals, colonization practices, know-it-all power games, and ego-driven decisions for which they have no more valid an explanation than, “Someday, when you’re older, you’ll understand” — I can’t.

White elders often deny younger people the privilege of looking up to them. I think we need to be honest about this, and talk about it.

White people of my parents’ and grandparents’ generations widely blame younger people for feeling angry about their refusal to be accountable for evident harms they’ve caused us. They gaslight us, their own children. They claim our experiences and observations of reality are simply not true. They don’t have any evidence-based explanations of what is true. Just absolute assurance that the White supremacy and dehumanization we see plain as daylight with our eyes, and feel with our hearts, can’t possibly be real.

I’ve been an adult for 20 years now. I started asking questions when I was three. When exactly will I be old enough to understand how colonizer tactics and self-betrayal are for my own good? At what age will tolerating abuse, manipulation, self-centeredness, and ego-driven power games makes sense to me?

David Hogg is a 25 year old survivor of the deadliest-yet school shooting in the U.S. and a gun control advocate. He now serves as a duly elected Vice-Chair of the Democratic National Committee (DNC).

James Carville, now 80, is a longtime Democratic political consultant, born just weeks before my uncle Jimmy was killed in Europe fighting Hitler, in 1944. Nicknamed the “Ragin’ Cajun” for his brash, unapologetic style, Carville built a reputation on “telling it like it is” and has long been regarded as a trusted voice within the Democratic Party.

That’s how we got here. The Democratic Party listened to Carville a lot. Now, we’re here.

Carville is exactly the kind of elder I want to respect. He’s spent a lifetime working to advance policies intended to benefit the common good. His lived experience and strategic insight are a blessing many of us could learn from, if true intergenerational respect were on the table.

But I can’t respect him nearly as much as I want to. Because he doesn’t respect us, apparently at all.

Respect is to be given freely, to everyone. Disrespect, on the other hand, has to be actively earned.

I’m not saying Carville doesn’t deserve respect because he’s White. I’m saying his evident allegiance to the domination culture which Whiteness promises to men like him is the underlying reason he’s earned my disrespect. So I’m gonna break this down:

David Hogg recently announced his intention to primary “safe Democrats” in deep-blue districts to push for better representation. Anyone paying attention knows this is a long-overdue, necessary baby step. But in case you haven’t been paying attention, here’s exhibit A— with language you won’t want your coworkers to hear, unless they’re really cool:

James Carville responded to David Hogg’s evidence-based leadership decision by calling him a “contemptible little twerp,” threatening to sue him, and encouraging the Democratic Party to sue— because Hogg made a leadership decision Carville disagrees with. He’s also attacking other Party members with any similar sensibility.

  1. Can you imagine the outrage if Hogg had made an ageist remark toward Carville instead of the other way around? The number of people now calling Hogg a “kid” is staggering. He is a duly elected Vice Chair of the DNC. Hogg is a grown adult whose entire adult life has been consumed by the pressure cooker of commitment to public service, so future generations will not have to endure the hell we failed to protect him from. He is not a “little twerp.”

    Carville’s public contempt is more than disrespectful— it’s emblematic of the excessive, unfounded self-assuredness driving many of us away from the Democratic Party for years already.
  2. Can you think of another leader who threatens to sue anyone who disagrees with him? An octogenarian who hurls petty insults at other leaders whose ideas he doesn’t like? Who threatens lawsuits to enforce obedience? Who demands loyalty to his version of reality and responds to differences of opinion by throwing fits demanding the division of a unified people?

Is that the kind of leadership you want to vote for?

Carville has now called for the Democratic Party to split, framing it as a battle over “pronoun politics” — a shockingly out-of-touch way to frame the fact that Republicans have:

This is hardly about “pronoun politics.”

But if James Carville wants to split the Democratic Party so his faction can go on being what we’re already used to— “leaders” in pink who sit silently while their Black colleague is carried out by security; while our neighbors are sent to concentration camps; while their constituents are losing our jobs?

Whatever. We’ve already made clear how unenthusiastic we are about holding our noses to vote for James Carville’s Democratic Party. If they want to keep listening to him instead of George Lakoff or David Hogg, they can follow him wherever he’s going.

Bless their hearts. I’ll be voting my values— if there’s anyone demonstrating real values on the ballot.

Locally, Chris Jones is honestly as far to the right as I can stretch, but I’d vote for him. He’s a genuinely good person who cares about folks, and I respect him 100%, despite some differences of opinion on politics. He’d make a great leader. That said, the company he kept last cycle didn’t serve him well— and I worry the James Carvilles of the Democratic Party of Arkansas are already tying Dr. Jones’ shoelaces together again before his next run.

Like Kamala Harris, Dr. Jones cannot single-handedly compensate for the collectively ill reputation and actions of his whole Party.

Every election, the DPA reminds us, “Arkansas isn’t a red state. It’s a non-voting state.”

Yeah, well, that means it ain’t a blue state, neither. We’re a values-based state. So show us your values worth voting for. Year-round, every year, not just when you want votes. Unless you’re playing Frank Luntz‘s game, words don’t work. People do. Show us your work, Dems.

The James Carvilles of the Democratic Party of Arkansas are why I stopped wasting my time with them. I’ve walked holes in my shoes knocking doors across five counties. I’ve texted 70,000 people for just one campaign. I brought a statewide campaign a $60,000 in-kind donation on a silver platter, only to watch the communications director throw a tantrum in front of the donor and reject the gift, for no reason other than his ego.

I feel for David Hogg right now. He’s been bullied with staggering cruelty, with obscene disregard for how his elders— how we— have failed him and his whole generation.

He deserves better. We all deserve better.

This whole situation has made me reflect on how White people are kind of required not to respect White elders too much. The evidence says: They invested in this system to maintain their own social dominance— at our expense. It’s a disaster. These people double down, demand reverence, and expect our “respect” while giving none in return. 

Instead of mentoring Hogg with grace and humility, Carville gave Fox News its next headline— “Dem civil war breaks out as Carville goes after DNC Vice Chair” — just to sabotage a plan that could actually begin healing the damage he helped create.

How undignified.

You know who has not been trying to control power that wasn’t given to her? Who engages with colleagues and leaders respectfully and collaboratively?

Maxine Waters.

Because she understands this work is about building momentum for future generations— not about being worshipped as a national hero whose “hot take” always has to be heard. She isn’t chasing praise. She’s making progress.

That there is the fundamental difference between the elders we respect, and the elders we wish we could. It’s about whether you produce fruits worthy of respecting. The folks who side with White supremacist, colonization-centered excuses of “This is how we’ve always done it” and “When you beat a Republican, come back and see me and I’ll be impressed“… just… don’t. That is petty. It’s disrespectful. It’s poor manners and terrible team-building behavior.

James Carville, should you ever read this: Go apologize to David Hogg publicly and sincerely, then humble yourself enough to offer him your sincere support, then act like you’re at least as mature as he is, and I’ll be impressed.

Maxine Waters doesn’t do her work on the assumption that anyone is trying to impress her. She does her work on the assumption that we’re struggling to survive. That’s why she’s easy to respect. She respects us and the daily truths we live with. You get what you give.

I know plenty of people who would rather stay home than vote for James Carville’s Democratic Party. In fact, most people already did.

I don’t have a strong opinion on whether the party should split or stay together. There are pros and cons both ways. But like a majority of Arkansans, I do know which values I’ll be voting for, if I’m given that chance— and what I won’t be bothering to vote for, if I’m not.

“A child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.”

The Carville crowd better stop playin’ chicken with folks who’ve got nothin’ to lose. We’re over it.

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